Two if by sea

One if by land, two if by sea.

I found some magazines in the break room. One Architectural Digest, a Golf Digest, an Avon catalog and . . . excuse me? . . . Power and Motor Yacht magazine. (I don’t even know how to spell “yacht.”)

Who in the world . . . ? No, who at my state agency subscribes to Power and Motor Yacht magazine? Is this the same person who drives the brand new Corvette that parks on my row? (I so work in the wrong department.)

I know it’s a subscription because the mailing label has been cut out of the cover. Smart move.

There are four captains “at the helm” of the magazine: the Editor-in-Chief is a captain, as are the Executive Editor, the Senior Editor and the Associated Editor. Several of the articles are by captains. How do you get to be a captain? Do you get to wear a hat like the Skipper on Gilligan’s Island?

I found some of the cover article teasers to be quite interesting: How to see in the dark. The $10 device that will save your life. At last — pod agility without the pods. (Flipper, jump!) How to use your radar to find fish. (Is this like using my GPS to find the grocery store?)

The photos of the interiors are my favorite. I mean, talk about an RV on the sea! One yacht is advertised as having one master cabin, three guest cabins and two crew cabins. Teak wood everywhere. Stainless steel appliances, including a washer and dryer. One article shows a drawing of a yacht with a tender garage (oh, isn’t that sweet? It’s a tender garage, and not a rough one) that accommodates both an 11.5-foot Williams jet RIB and a Sea Doo PWC (whatever they are). Don’t leave home without them.

And we know what real estate is all about, right? It’s location, location, location. Take your yacht out to sea where everyone has a great view, all the time. Don’t like your noisy neighbors? Move a little farther down the coastline, or out to sea. Leave them in your dust wake.

I found the yacht that I want. Dreamy, sexy (a lot of yachts are advertised as sexy) and new. The price? Not listed. This falls under the category of “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” Like that’s a surprise.

Failing capturing that dream, I can have my pick of pre-owned yachts. There are tons of pre-owned yachts for sale. Here’s a sampling: 132′ Westship MY 2000, reduced to $9,975,000. Now that’s a sale, right? Moving down the page and the monetary ladder, you can get a 92′ Broward FDCMY, “asking only $795,000.”

Why didn’t I know about these before? Before? Before what? Before I spent my money on buying gasoline for my mid-sized SUV? Some of these yachts have a capacity of 2,000 gallons. Imagine what that fill-up costs.

Ah, but for you economy- and ecology-minded captains out there, there are hybrid yachts as an option. Not common now, from what I read, but in 12-18 months, new models will be coming out for your consideration.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for my 3-hour tour. Oh, Gilligan, little buddy . . .