Low Rider

There’s a new Corvette that parks on my row in the parking garage. A state parking garage. A brand new Corvette. That makes two Corvettes on my row. Yes, two.

Just how much do those things cost, anyway?

Looks like there are six 2010 models. The Corvette Coup (aka The Essential Corvette, with 438 horsepower) starts at $48,930. The Corvette ZR1 starts at $106,880 (“a stunning benchmark in Corvette performance,” with 638 horsepower). And yes, all are available in school bus yellow.

Some people dream of owning a Corvette. Have they really thought this through?

Consider the effort of getting in and out. It sits low, low, low to the ground. I’m thinking that once in, I’d have to stay there for a while, possibly all day. Maybe I could get mine outfitted with a mounted laptop, much like police cruisers. Then I could drive around town, tele-commuting and Googling.

You’d find me sitting outside places with free Wi-Fi, like libraries and fast food restaurants. Eating at fast food restaurants (specifically, their drive-throughs, since I wouldn’t want to try to get out of the car unless it was absolutely necessary) would be about as fancy as I could get, because everything I earned — and more — would be going to pay for the car, gas and insurance.

The person at the fast food window would have to hand the food down to me; I’d hand up the money (in coins, from my piggy bank).

Once in the library parking lot Wi-Fi-ing, I wouldn’t want to actually go inside, so I’d have to buy a Kindle for online books. (See how expensive this new car is? It’s just one thing after another.)

I could call in for work meetings, sitting outside my building in a visitor parking spot out front. Anything needing my signature could be brought down to me by a coworker. (Delusions of grandeur here, as nothing needs my signature.)

At the end of the day I could drive home, park in the garage and make the effort to exit the car. Fortunately no one would be able to see me open the door, kick out my feet, then rock back and forth until I could get enough momentum to stand up.

Hmm . . . I wonder if I could mount a rope from the garage ceiling and hoist myself up and out of the car. That would require a trip to Home Depot. Do you think they have a drive through?


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