Walk This Way

After I sprained my knee, I had to change quite a few things in my life in order to get around.

For starters, I gave up taking the stairs at work (I work on the 5th floor) and I started taking the elevator.

I had to learn a few things. Like where to wait for the elevator.

My building has four elevators: two on the west wall of the elevator lobby, two on the east wall. I’d push the button and wait. The elevator would announce its arrival with a DING and the up (or down) arrow would light up. And it would be one of the elevators on the other side of the lobby from where I was standing. I couldn’t get to it fast enough and the doors would close before I could get on. Hmmm.

I’d push the button and limp over to the next arriving elevator only to have it close before I could get on. I’d try it again. Elevator on the west wall, elevator on the east wall. Repeat. It was like a human version of the Pong video game.

One of the methods that I tried was the Frankenstein Monster Walk. Stiff legged, with my arms reaching out to cross the plane of the elevator entrance to prevent the doors from closing, happily gurgling with the idea that this time I just might make it, I’d toss my body from side to side to get up enough momentum to reach the elevator door before it closed. That worked, sometimes.

I considered the “diving catch” pose, where I would fling myself parallel to the floor as if reaching out with a baseball glove for a flyball, getting at least one little finger inside the door to make it stay open for me. I never got the nerve to actually try this one. I had visions of tossing my tote bag (my virtual baseball glove) into the elevator and it taking off without me. And there I’d be, lying prone in the elevator lobby, toteless. Fate would not pass up such a chance to make the executive director come around the corner just at that moment. I couldn’t risk it.

Finally I realized that if I pushed the button and scurried back to the middle of the elevator lobby, I could wait for the elevator’s DING, find which one was opening, then use my fastest Gunsmoke Festus gimp and get on the elevator.

Nothing is simple.

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